Telling Tales

tonystarksnipples:

colonelmustangsnipples:

goldenclitoris:

poopflow:

roughrimjob:

meladoodle:

she got a pussy like the grand canyon

dry and sandy

possibly filled with dead bodies

Includes approximately 70 species of mammals, 250 species of birds, 25 types of reptiles and five species of amphibians

a popular tourist site

Everyone goes there and comes away feeling vaguely unsatisfied with the entire experience

rsapberry:

the-fake-truth:

inbecillus:

an-idle-teen:

inbecillus:

I hate myself but I still think I’m better than everybody else

I hate people but I’d love to be in a relationship

I love food but I don’t want to get fat

I want money but dont want a job

look it’s my entire life in a post

zeldaavianamerican:

John Barrowman at Phoenix Comicon 2013 {X}

I was explaining this to my brother
Me:it’s a gif
Nick: a gift?
Me: that too

(Source: sammichwinchestr)

dippingswordsinmetaphors:

you know when you listen to a song a whole bunch of times and there is that one line that you never understand and then one day heaven above opens and shines the light and you finally know the words and it’s like an epiphany

assassins-creed-fandom:

darkpancakelord:

devastationnation:

best public trolling

Just do what Moriarty.

^

(Source: theamericankid)

fenrirmakara:

also, duct tape on your arms, a few layers, but not too tight. basically it’ll stop a zombie taking a chunk out of your arm if you’re reloading or your blade gets jammed in a zombie

wearing a wetsuit underneath your clothing would also be useful. remember; they were human once, humans have blunt teeth! you try biting through duct tape AND a wet suit

never duct tape joints, your movements will be limited, and you want to be fast and danger (gotta go fast)

don’t hole up in small houses either that’s a recipe for disaster, you want somewhere with a secure upstairs, and a way down from the upstairs that is zombie free or can easily be cleared of zombies (avoid fire exits with steps leading up to them though, unless they have gates at the bottom)

sound = attraction, so if you do have guns, use them only in emergencies or for the sake of popping one head you’ll be greeted with many many more

raid your local medical shops, and get there first, nobody is going to stop and share it out equally while they’re panicking. don’t hit out at somebody unless they hit out at you, though, you already have unintelligent corpses pitted against you, you don’t want sentient humans on your case as well (zombies don’t do the revenge thing, humans do!)

try not to piss people off, because as stated before, yes, humans like revenge

don’t try and be clever and use yourself as live bait; yes playing the hero is glorious in movies, but it doesn’t work so glamorously in real life

large numbers isn’t a good idea. you want small groups, even if you just branch out from being in a larger group, because if there’s a lot of you you are a bigger target, but don’t then go off and decide to be in groups that are too small in case you get surrounded (in which case, the duct tape and wet suits will come in handy)

food shouldn’t be that hard to come by, most people would have attempted to flee the area straight from their houses and packed what they had, raiding local shops could still be worth it. but remember, know your way in, your way out, and double check there’s nothing in the shop ready to sneak up behind you while you’re reaching up for that tin of beans

half balaclava masks or something similar to cover your lower face while fighting zombies could also be useful, you don;t want to accidentally ingest flying zombie fluids and end up one of them, that’d be a nasty surprise for your group to wake up to (since going solo possibly isn’t a good idea)

and always, ALWAYS, have a way to start a fire on you

zombies burn

(Source: ryuukensu)

bellamyyoung:

Will Smith, Jaden Smith, Alfonso Ribeiro, and DJ Jazzy Jeff perform a Fresh Prince Of Bel Air medley on The Graham Norton Show 24th May 2013 [x]

l1berum:

OMG HE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS NOSE JUST ABOVE WATER LEVEL

(Source: pleatedjeans)

thenaebyrd777:

completelycumberbatched:

diiscolemonade:

combeferrethescienceguy:

yellowbrickrose:

reblog if u understand this inspirational message

I read it in bass clef and spent too much time trying to figure out what the hell was so inspirational about ecddcbg.

hauntingly beautiful.

So touching *sniff*

It says ‘never give up’

shuckl:

shuckl:

shuckl:

toast annoys me so much cos like it’s bread that’s been toasted so we call it “toast” but if you fry a potato it’s not called a “fry”

fries

do you ever look back at your mistakes

(Source: aiclan)

cumaeansibyl:

Ruby Rhod is one of my favorite characters in sci-fi ever because he is Luc Besson’s vision of the hetero sex symbol of the future: a flamboyant, emotionally labile man who wears skin-tight leopard print or decks himself in roses, a man who accessorizes with big jewelry and dabbles in cosmetics. And the ladies love him. Everything about him screams “gay” according to our stereotypes, but he’s portrayed as a 100% straight sexual dynamo.

Besson is one of the few directors I’ve seen who actually recognizes that our ideas of sexuality and gender performance might have changed drastically in the future.

(Source: sookiesteeth)

10knotes:

a-lonely-stoner:

Just a squid casually passing by on your blog.

My lovely followers, please follow this blog immediately!

itsanearhatloki:

noticemeimbroken:

katonwolf:

ximjustinlovex:

sleeping-with-theveil:

allyykatt:

I’m a lesbian so i must have a crush on every girl i see.

I have a lot of guy friends so i must be fucking every single one of them.

I smile a lot, so i must have the perfect life.

I listen to reggae, so I must be a stoner.

My opinion matters, so I must be a bitch.

I’m comfortable with my body, so I get around?

I’m friends with a lot of guys, so I’ve must have hooked up with all of them.

I like to help out, so I must be a suck up.

I’m black, so I must be ghetto.

I’m black, so I must be stupid.

I’m Mexican, so I must be low class.

I’m bisexual, so I must get around.

I’m straight up blunt, so I must be a bitch.

I like to drink, so I must be an alcoholic.

I don’t hang out with guys, so I must be a lesbian.

I cut myself so I must be emo.

I’m bisexual, so none of my girl friends can feel safe.

I laugh and smile, so I cannot be depressed.

I like spending my day at home, so I don’t have any friends

I am gay, so i must be bullied

I am trans, so I must be a freak.

Most of my friends are dudes, so I must be a tomboy.

I’m on Tumblr, so I must have zero friends in real life

I’m a Muslim, so I must be a terrorist

I make a lot of mistakes so I must be stupid/retarded.

I strongly defend LGBT so I must be gay.

I’m from a broken family, so I must be a rebel.

I like rasta colors, so I must smoke weed.

I’ve had sex, so I must be a slut.

I’ve made mistakes, so I must be untrustworthy.

I really love him, so I must hold on.

I’m a Filipino, so I must be a maid.

I really love him, so I must be taken for granted.

I’m a Politician, so I must be corrupt.

I’m Blonde, so I must be really stupid.

I’m wearing a black shirt, so I must be emo.

I wear make up, so I must be a flirt.

I make alot of mistakes, so I must be hated.

I am a teenager, so I must be misunderstood.

“Forever reblogg”.

Wow this

this is perfect wow

I’m a Christian, so I must hate gays

I have big boobs, so I must dress like a whore

I’m overweight, so I must be fat

I’m not a big talker, so I must have no friends

I’m homeschooled, so I must be a loner

I like country music, so I must be a redneck

I like pop music, so I must be a floozy

I’m Black so I must like watermelon, kool aid, and fried chicken

I’m Mexican so I must hang out at home depot

I’m Irish so I must be drunk

I’m German so I must be hitler

I love this.

I’m an atheist so I must be a pretentious asshole.

I’m a masculine girl so I must be a lesbian.

I’m a feminine boy so I must be gay.

(Source: drunkmoriarty)